la_choppe

december 25 = my birthday, and x-mas. being 21 should be a good thing. i love my baby.

this last week was strange. my mother was rushed to the hospital for pains she was having. the pains turned out to be a kidney stone. she finally passed it and now she is okay. i had to leave from work early and wednesday because i was having terrible pains in my kidney and stomach, i thought my insides were going to explode. but erin came to the rescue and took care of me even though she was really sick. the pain eventually stopped, but they woke me up the next morining killing me. so i had to go to the er. they thought it was kidney stones, but did x-rays and found nothing. so they gave me drugs and sent me on my way. today i found out that one of my good friends mike's dad was shot killed this past week. i feel so bad for him because his dad was a really nice person and didn't deserve to die like that. almost noone deserves that. but things are getting better. MIRAH this friday!!! GO GO GO!!!

i need you. i fucking want you. i love. you. you're fucking sexy. you know who you are.

i am living in austin now. things are good. getting better all the time. i am much much happier here. my job is easy, and non-stressful, which is good. not having a car and taking the bus around is nice. although, i miss being able to hop in a car and drive anywhere i wanted when i wanted, it doesn't bother me. another good thing about living here is that i am much closer to my baby. and i love her very much. i stubbed my toe earlier. it hurts. with blood. and skin. happy hallowween.

This weekend i will be moving from houston to austin. i could not be happier. it was about time for me to move. i can't say i'll miss houston, seeing how just about all of my friends live in other cities now. austin is awesome. i can't wait to be on my own here.

i am an ass. fuck me.

my love so far away.

i can't sleep. there are too many thoughts. my head isn't large enough to hold them in any longer.
this is my new journal. the old one is dead. look foreward to things. its too late to go back.

this year has been the best, worst, strangest, craziest, and most depressing year of my life. only those close to me can understand what i mean when i say this. so much has happened. i can't believe its almost been a year since 11.4(the day Johnny shot Joey). it really doesn't feel like its been this long. so much has happened, but at the same time so little has happened. i guess i've been too depressed to even realize that every time i go to sleep and wake up and new day has started. for the longest time every day was the exact same. only the people and activities would change. i quit my job(which was a bad idea, considering i had just bought a new car), and went with out work for about 5 months. finally, i ended up working pizza delivery. though i thought i was having a mental breakdown(and i might of had one) i was desperate.. for life, change, something new, anything but the manic state i was in. but i was too fucking sad to do anything about it. then i came far to close to joining the navy, and making the worst mistake of my life. i finally realized that i can fix my situation on my own. all i have to do is work hard, and i can make things happen...
i could go on forever, but i refuse.


here are highlights of my year away from lj:

.falling in love.
.making my lover my girl-friend.
.starting the rest of my life.
.composing a not so immaginary symphony(in my head) one note at a time.